Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
