i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
