Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize