i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
