We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
