I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
