I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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