i think my tv is drunk
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
should my penis look like a turkey
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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