im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
