it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He did a backflip because drugs
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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