you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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