I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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