Nicole vs. Life
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
