Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
