Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
