When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
