Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
