i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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