Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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