I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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