I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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