the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
