ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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