I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
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Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize