whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
