WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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