The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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