so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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