i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
