That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
