Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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