there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
