he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
