he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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