He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
