Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
