Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
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ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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