I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
