I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
