belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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