Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
