New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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