don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we're making bets on your personal life
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
