Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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