The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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