ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
