if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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