the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Holy shit dude........stairs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
