I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
