he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
