OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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