are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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