Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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