I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
