lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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