If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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