yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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