If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
