I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Randomize
