AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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