If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
