this just has baby written all over it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
