I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
