no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
