I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
