The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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