Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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