I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
