I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
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