Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
