Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
