My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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