he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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